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Maintaining Insanity/Driving People Crazy
Thanks to Mom!!!

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.  See if they slow down.

2. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.

3. Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't disguise your voice.

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In".

6. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.

7. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others.

8. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

9. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room.

10. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

12. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors".

13. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

14. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

15. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.


18. type only in lowercase.

19 don t use any punctuation either

20. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and cc: them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Ask people what sex they are.  Laugh hysterically after they answer.

25. Specify that your drive-through order is "To go."

26. Sing along at the opera.

27. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

28. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

31. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

32. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

33. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

34. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

35. Honk and wave to strangers.

36. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

37. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!, I won!"     

38. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

39. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

40. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

41. Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

42. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

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http://dnatureofdtrain.fuzzyworld3.com/stuff3/e019-20insanity.html posted 01/24/2004 by Mark W. Hintz
Last modified 9/13/2007
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